Why does Edward Woodward’s name have so many D’s? Because without it he’d just be Ewar Woowar…
I told you it was silly.
But most importantly for the Canteen, Mr. Woodward starred in a very awesome episode of The Bill (I personally love it because Max Carter is such a jerk! Wait, that’s every episode thus far…)
So now it’s time to take three generations of trouble, add two sexy sergeants and stir… this is Sins of the Father…
PREVIOUSLY: Katie Taylor got death glared (woot, for more on poor Katie see ‘Beth Undercover’), Smithy was a good man and Max did another amazingly accurate impression of a gargoyle. 10/10 Max.
This week it seems we’re comparing the outstanding, sexy, sweet, brave, loyal (I’ll stop now before I die from love) Sgt Dale Smith and that other guy, the grumpy one… oh right, Max. It’s a sexy sergeant showdown so make sure there’s something soft to fall on when flailing begins!
An old guy has been beaten. Badly beaten. What a wonderful way to begin an episode – random abuse of the elderly. These cold-hearted local whippersnappers!
*waves cane on the old guy’s behalf*
Smithy and Will turn up to save the old guy from any more senile embarrassment and find themselves standing face to face with a legend – and no it’s not just because he’s Edward Woodward! This frail old man is a Sun Hill anti-hero, but more on that later because right now Smithy and Will have to get the old guy into an ambulance. It’s not easy because he’s putting up a fight, but eventually he’s carted off to the sweet, sweet sound of… oh yes, it’s start music time!
Back at the station Smithy is relaying the old guy sentiments to Sgt. Wright – he’s old, angry and can’t stand the police. So much love for the boys in blue from senior citizens these days. And they say young people don’t respect authority figures. I respect Smithy… especially in that uniform, oh yeah!
*claws*
K, I’m good now.
Smithy’s off to St Hugh’s, which Nikki now reveals to be useless. When our friendly old guy got to St Hugh’s he kicked up a row and stormed out, carrying on about the NHS. Smithy remarks that he hasn’t completely lost it then. He’s probably got a point there… you know, for a crazy old guy.
Down at the footbridge where our token old guy got knocked down, Will and an army of uniformed extras are scouring for anything. It’s then that the teenage girl appears, making sure she’s hidden so well – right in the middle of the road. Seemingly the kids of Sun Hill haven’t quite mastered the whole espionage, spy thing. Less drugs, more Bond children! Will chases after her, recognising her as a girl he saw in the crowd that surrounded our old guy when he was found bloody, bruised and bad-tempered.
This little lady, despite having no sense to not stand in the middle of the road, does seem to have something to hide as she launches into chav-mode and stalks away. Will doesn’t relent, following the teenage tearaway down a tunnel before finding himself attacked by a phone. Yes, instead of simply talking, she threw her phone at Will’s head!
Seemingly for a chav she’s well off enough to get a new one and so just hands them out to any copper she comes across. Her mother must hate her!
Back at the station Will’s amusing Nikki and Smithy with the story as well as rifling through the phone on the computer. Little Miss Attitude dialled 999 when the old guy was beaten up, but that’s not all…
The girl’s phone includes a few videos, some photos and whatever the heck this is…
Damn that’s creepy!
Meanwhile the cameraman seems to be having some sort of seizure as the footage gets very jerky. Okay, we get that the phone video is supposed to be amateur, but why hire the same person to shoot the scene inside the station?
And then, success. There amongst the creepy guy and the cameraman having some sort of fit, is footage of the old guy getting beaten up. The old guy is punched, kicked and then left on the road as a younger man in a black Golf drives off. Smithy and Nikki are not amused and Smithy remarks that ‘this isn’t just assault’ anymore. This is full-blown… wait, what do you call it when someone gets beaten up for no good reason and then threatened… oh right, it’s full-blown assault. Wait a minute…
And Nikki’s playing spot the Hollywood legend…
It’s Johnnie Jackson.
Yeah I don’t know either, but Nikki sure looks proud of herself and I’m sure if we wait a few seconds we’ll find out who the heck he is…
Back in CID Max thought Johnnie was dead… they shot him under Rule 303… Breaker Morant joke, sorry I’m a history major, I’ve watched it 100+ times hence the Edward Woodward love…
Max remarks Johnnie Jackson used to be a legend around here – which I’m assuming means London unless we’ve now revealed Max has been a Canley boy most of his life – and Jo’s checking the record. After an armed robbery in Harlow Street Johnnie served his gaol time, was released, and then promptly retired.
Allegedly.
Max isn’t convinced, but then seeing as Max sees the worst in bunny rabbits maybe that’s not such an insult after all…
Sam sends Smithy and Max down to Johnnie’s place where Max quickly takes his inadequacies out on the doorknocker and Jackson looks thoroughly displeased. Max is paying for that out of his wages or else he’ll sue for police harassment. Oh my friend, you haven’t seen the best of what Sun Hill’s finest (and this is the cream of the crop here you lucky old codger) can do in terms of harassment!
Jackson serves them with a few choice words and Max isn’t happy about having to deal with an equal – Max only likes to pick on younger, more senile or female persons. He feels like a big man that way.
But now he’s facing Johnnie Jackson, Sun Hill legend, and he’s not amused.
Max: (to Smithy) I thought you said he was gaga
Smithy: He was…
But now he’s not and I like him already now he’s dropped Max a peg or two. This should be fun.
Inside Jackson is cleaning himself up and Smithy thinks he should do that at a hospital. Johnnie calls him Florence then remarks the nurses at St Hugh’s were just poncing about. As he applies some liquid to a cut, Max looks grossed out.
For a man who used to shoot people for a living, he’s got a weak stomach suddenly. He’s gone soft in his very short time behind a desk at Sun Hill.
Smithy seems happy to be dealing with a more normal Mr. Jackson who believes his senile moments are caused by either ‘old age, misspent youth, not enough fish’ or any other such causes. Plus, Jackson tells them, senility certainly beats incontinence.
Our sexy sergeants agree.
Max doesn’t want to play nice though and wants to know what Jackson remembers about last night. He tells them it’s all a blank and you can’t help but feel sorry for the old guy, not that he needs anyone’s pity as he serves Max on a silver platter…
Max: So what’s the last thing you do remember?
Jackson: I remember being stitched up by a copper some years back
Max enjoys it…
Either that or he’s wondering how he can kick the old guy in the head without any repercussions…
Jackson’s convinced he no longer has any enemies and takes offence when Max doesn’t believe him. Then Max takes offence to being called a constable. Then we all take offence to the Hallmark line Jackson spouts next. Wonderful; now once more with feeling please Edward.
Smithy decides to put the testosterone away for a second and address the obvious – someone beat up Johnnie (and someone outside just locked their car up, I heard a beep!), and that can’t feel good. A young bloke appears, bursting into the house like it’s on fire, and Max looks confused by the revelation Jackson has a grandson. Well, let me explain it to you Max… when two people love each other very much… lost cause, he doesn’t know what love is.
Jackson goes spare on the grandson, remarking that ‘he’ let the boy (I say boy, but in reality he’s about 30) out to ‘finish the job’. Clearly the old guy has already forgotten his two handsome visitors are policemen because if you’re trying to hide something it’s never a good idea to openly yell it in front of who you’re trying to hide it from because eventually they’ll figure it out. I say they when really I mean Smithy. Max is still trying to work out how the grandson thing works.
But Jackson doesn’t want to cover-up anymore and tells Smithy he can arrest Jacko (I’m hoping that’s a nickname and that he isn’t really called Jacko Jackson) for dealing and working for a man named Andreus Audra (apparently that IS his real name, poor thing).
Jacko tries to escape but Smithy pulls him back, revealing a whole pocket load of drugs.
Looks like the old guy was on to something after all…
In the interview room Max asks if Jacko and Johnnie are close. Yeah… no. See, me and my dad are close. You know what helps ensure that? I don’t tell police he’s dealing drugs. Not that my dad is a drug dealer, he… damn that came out wrong. Now everyone thinks my dad’s a drug dealer… well done Kate.
Anyway, back at Sun Hill Jacko says he and Johnnie are close enough because Jacko loves him. Awwww… cute. Max wants to know why Johnnie thinks Jacko is a dealer.
Jacko: Pops gets confused
Max: He also gets beaten up
Seems Max also noticed Jacko’s careening into the house. Yeah, he left skid marks on the wallpaper…
Jacko bulk buys his drugs – like how you get discounts at Audi when you buy a whole box instead of just a packet of chips. Jacko – the druggie tightwad. But Max doesn’t buy it (not that his faux-designer suits would lead anyone to believe Max himself is a spendthrift) and has faith Jacko is working for Audra.
Great… now all we need is the proof.
Back up at CID a catch-up session is underway and the rest of the team just reiterate what we already know until Heaton comes with new information – Johnnie’s son Ray was killed in one of Johnnie’s jobs. After that Jacko lived with Johnnie until he was sent down but now…
Smithy: He says he’s retired
Max: He’s lying
Sam: How do we know that?
Smithy: Well, we don’t
Smithy doesn’t look happy. Welcome Smithy to the list of people Max has proven himself stupider and colder than. Please enjoy your stay as you learn to accept that Max is a cold-hearted, smug prick who is usually WRONG! It’s pretty much a daily basis thing now. This is what? Episode five we’ve had now…
*checks list* (Smash 1 and 2, Full Throttle, Blame Game, Beth Undercover…)
Nope, number 6! Woo hoo! Reckon we can reach ten before the year’s out? I think we can!
But don’t worry Smithy, Max has a totally reasonable explanation for the old guy hate…
Max: Leopard doesn’t change his spots just because he has a bus pass.
Sam rightly changes the subject to Audra before Smithy punches Max in the head…
Audra is Bosnian. All dodgy people come from Bosnia… trust me, my ex was one! Sam knows it too and wants them to chase Audra up.
As the lights flicker back on Smithy reveals he wants to stick with the investigation. Max doesn’t look happy – seems Smithy will cramp his style. Sam and Heaton think Smithy and Max would make a good team. Sexy team maybe, but good? Well, that’s a debate for another day because right now there’s a case to solve and seeing as we can’t exactly kick one of them off, we’ll have to settle.
Max looks like someone just told him he has to square dance with the Duchess of Cornwall…
… but he’s going to have to deal with it because it’s time for the reign of Sexy Sergeants… fighting crime one sexy brooding look at a time…
Smithy and Max are paying Johnnie another visit. Max is calling bids on Johnnie and Audra, while Smithy is certain it’s Jacko and Audra. Well, if we’re calling pairs I’ll take Max and Leon… at my house… in about ten minutes time. A girl can dream.
But we have bigger fish to fry right now as Jacko comes storming out yelling at his grandfather. Apparently granddad fell asleep and burnt the dinner – nah, Johnnie’s giving Jacko a serve about being a ‘punk’. Jacko returns that he’s not exactly a good role model then storms off. And you thought family dinners at your place were bad! Course if my family dinners ended with Smithy and Max on my doorstep I wouldn’t be complaining…
Who am I kidding? I’ll take any of those lovely Sun Hill boys, I’m not picky.
Team Sexy Sergeants head inside where Johnnie is playing with his projector and some old family photos. For a career criminal they’re not as interesting as you’d expect, and one of them is upside down. The Jacksons certainly ain’t no Underbelly crime family.
Smithy decides to delve deeper into the un-underbelly family and finds out Mrs. Jackson is dead, died during Johnnie’s trial. He admits he was never much of a husband or a father. Max says he’s sorry to hear that… except of course, you know, that he doesn’t sound very sorry. Why does he talk when he clearly means nothing by it? Somebody likes the sound of their own voice DS Carter…
Carter wants more information on the link between Jacko and Audra, but Johnnie ain’t playing ball anymore. I think it’s probably because somebody insulted him a few too many times… Max. As he stands and goes looking for his cup of tea, Max finds it before pointing out he forgot the teabag. Thank you Captain Tact, just rub in that he’s losing his mind. Smithy plays nice and states he prefers straight hot water (I do actually, it’s good for digestion) then the old bloke lapses back into what DS Carter calls ‘his turns’. For the sake of all of you thinking it, we’ll call it a ‘seniors moment’. As Sam relays this information to Jo, DC Masters gets FACETIOUS QUESTION OF THE MONTH:
Jo: DS Carter isn’t hugely sympathetic to Johnny’s condition is he?
Short answer: No. Long answer: No, he’s a prick like that.
Sam reminds herself not to get ill when he’s around. Imagine that, tucked up in hospital; Nate brings his puppy dog face, Smithy brings chocolates, Kezia comes with flowers and then DS Carter comes equipped with a death glare and a few tactless comments about how you look like crap. Oh Max, you make the world a better place.
Kezia comes bearing information of Audra and his business partner Roger Hutton. The pair run an export company named BGB – Bosnia, Great Britain. Clearly in the criminal trade creativity isn’t a strong point. Linked with fake passports, the duo just scream ILLEGAL PROSTITUTE TRADE but we can’t play assumptions here (that’s Max’s job), so we’ll sit back and wait for the token pretty foreigner. I have faith she isn’t far off.
As Sam tells them to chase up any links to the Jacksons, Terry looks amused and asks Jo ‘Carter and sympathetic, who wrote that one?’… um, apparently the writing staff did.
Nate bursts in with all his adorable puppy cuteness (look ma’am, I found a dead rat… wanna see?) with information of the black Golf. Enter Marty Baxter, resident at a rundown pub called the Fuselade, just the right haunting ground for scum… and now we’re sending the puppy in. Send someone with him or the poor dear will get eaten alive. It’s ok; Sam’s going to protect him. She can’t deny that puppy charm.
Down on Mayola Street we find the Fuselade…
Nate: What a dump
Sam: Some may call it a good old-fashioned London boozer…
And some may also call it the Queen’s hideout – doesn’t make it true. And the residents don’t like travellers. These guys may not be underbelly, but they’re certainly old school. They stole these bad guys straight out of the 1990 episodes of The Bill!
Inside is the preserved old men (like picked onions!) and the dominant matriarch… and then enters, oh yes, the pretty young foreign girl. Can I pick them or can I pick them? Nate cracks.
Dominant matriarch isn’t playing ball as our token foreign girl flees the scene. Matriarch has a problem though because she has a photo of Marty almost right next to her on a pin board. Yeah, didn’t really think that one through did you Mama Cass? And guess who he’s sitting with… oh yes, Jacko Jackson. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a connection of sorts.
Sam wants to poke about upstairs… and Sam gets her way even if she has to serve you with a burn of epic proportions…
Matriarch: Got a warrant?
Sam: Got a licence?
Matriarch: Yes
Sam: Wanna keep it?
Not to be outdone, Nate takes his one-liner crown back…
Matriarch: (to Nate) Touchy little madam isn’t she?
Nate: I believe ‘dominant matriarch’ is the term.
Sam is not amused, but she can hold off scorning the puppy as Matriarch calls upstairs for Marty and Sam figures out why the delay tactics. Nate rushes for the back door just in time to tackle Marty. As Nate arrests him I’m slightly preoccupied by the sound of someone in the background flooding their car engine. Really, couldn’t have done this elsewhere, we’re trying to arrest someone here and you’re putting us off!
Back at the station Sam walks and talks with Team Sexy Sergeants about Marty beating up his flatmate’s granddad. Smithy wants to look deeper into the Fuselade and Sam agrees before asking Max if they’re getting along…
Max: Next question…
Okay, um, something easier then like ‘why are you such a jackass?’.
There are no answers…
In the interview, after watching Marty beat up the poor old codger, he pleads self-defence.
Sam: He’s 76
Marty: He’s Johnnie Jackson
Sam: He’s 76
Sorry Sam what’s that? How old is he again?
Sam: He’s 76
So if he was born in 1932 that would mean…
Sam: He’s 76
And when you look at Max Carter’s frown lines you would say that…
Sam: He’s 76
Thanks for clearing that up.
Marty beat up Jackson because poor old Johnnie was mouthing off in the pub. If that’s his excuse Marty must make a lot of enemies at footy season, and not just because he looks like one recently hit him in the face…
U. G. L. Y – you ain’t got no alibi…
Johnnie was there at 3am drinking with them (an old-fashioned lock-in which is a dying act thanks to pub and nightclub curfews… wait, do you guys have them in the UK? We have them here – can’t enter a pub or nightclub in the city after 3am. It sucks) because Doreen (dominant matriarch, I mean the pub one, not the DI one) is a soft touch. Yeah, soft like The Rock!
But Max is finding it hard to get his little head around the idea that Marty beat up Johnnie without being put up to it by either Hutton or Audra. In fact, he has a kickass one-liner to go with his worries…
Max: You see, what I find hard to believe is that you would take on a local legend like Johnnie Jackson without even thinking twice. Now either you’d do that because you’re told to, in which case you’re lying to us, or you didn’t even think twice about it, in which case you’re an idiot. Which is it?
Okay… tough one *ignores ticking clock* uh, um… urgh… C. I choose C: both!
So what do I win?
Back up in CID Max gives Heaton the good/bad news – Baxter coughed. Heaton wants to charge him and move on, but Max isn’t sure and seeing as for once it seems he might be right, I think we should go deeper into this. I mean, we’re only 15 minutes in and only one person has been beaten up. We’ve still got our dodgy matriarch, our foreign girl and the creepy bad guy who haven’t had their moment in the spotlight yet. There’s still so much more fun to come. Please Superintendant, don’t rain on our parade!
When Terry arrives with cleaned up footage from the mobile phone it seems my pleas may finally be answered – the sweet sounds of Johnnie threatening someone named Roger.
Max and I think alike. Alas Heaton seems determined to be a smartass about it.
Max: It’s gotta be Roger Hutton. That’s a link to Hutton.
Heaton: He could be talking about Roger Hutton, Roger Valentine or Roger Rabbit for all we know.
Okay so we find Hutton, we put PC Valentine into witness protection and we now change the movie’s ending because I think we’ve now found out who shot Roger Rabbit!
Harry Morant: Shoot straight you bastards, don’t make a mess of it.
Another Breaker Morant reference… sorry, it was right there!
Alas no one likes Heaton’s joke…
Max looks like he’s about to be sick and Sam seems to be staring at a point just above his second button. She’s stripping him with her eyes! Sam you dirty woman!
But Heaton won’t play ball no matter how many lame jokes he gets to crack and starts walking away, despite Max’s claim Johnnie wouldn’t grass unless something bigger was going on. Smithy appears and is instantly corner like a rat when Max proclaims that it’s okay because Smithy has evidence. Hopefully that’s true but right now all he seems to really have is an overwhelming desire to kick you for putting his head on the chopping block. Smithy gets his own back though…
Smithy: Fuselade’s clean as a whistle as far as drugs are concerned… (Max deflates and Heaton frowns) but that is just because all of the serious drug dealers drink there. They like to keep their local clean.
Max: (in full ‘look at me, I’m special and right’ mode) See!
Heaton’s not impressed and Smithy talks more about financial records until Heaton looks about ready to fire them all and leave when Smithy strikes back…
Smithy: The property is leased by a property management company And/Or Management which is registered to Roger Hutton’s associate Andreus Audra.
Now we’ve got ourselves a reason to look further… And for Smithy to be even more of a top-class bitch about it…
Smithy: Oh I’m sorry, should I have mentioned that sooner?
No, all times are fine with us, and anything that makes Max squirm is even more fun!
Team Sexy Sergeants return to harass poor old Johnny who remarks he was fine until they turned up. He’s such a charmer. The Team tell him they’ve arrested Marty and share with him Marty’s story, but we all know this has something to do with Audra. Not that Johnnie is going to tell them straight…
Johnnie: You think you know it all don’t you? You haven’t got a clue.
For someone whose only known Max for a day the old guy totally has him summed up.
So Max plays guessing games. Drugs? Exports? Little clay mannequins. Okay, that was my guess but come on, this old guy isn’t going to say anything straight out.
Smithy’s guess proves more fruitful when Johnnie reacts. Seems this whole thing is about Roger and Audra coming between Johnnie and Jacko. Poor old guy just wants his grandson back.
Smithy wants to help, but the old guy decides to do a history lesson instead and brings up Archduke Franz Ferdinand. As a history major I’m suddenly more interested.
Johnny: Franz Ferdinand mean anything to you?
Max: (having totally failed history) The band? Not really my cup of tea.
And the list of things Max and I DO NOT have in common continues to grow. I saw them play New Years Eve down here. Awesome band! Absolutely awesome. Anyway, moving on because it’s back to history. Johnny outlines how the assassination of the Archduke led to the First World War. As Max stands there and wonders what any of this means, whether the old guy’s losing it and/or regretting not paying any attention in history class, Smithy listens intently. As do I. I like history. Of course, seeing as I had a Croat friend and a Bosnian boyfriend in high school I got more than enough of this story outside the history class!
There’s a hidden message in here and Max is bored and wants names and obvious things now! RIGHT NOW! And Johnny comes with good advice:
Johnny: If you don’t learn from history you are destined to repeat it.
See Max, if you do not learn that sometimes the pretty PC can be right about a suspect when they say they’re innocent, then you are destined to keep repeating storylines where she gets in a bad situation, sashays herself out with her sheer awesomeness and you’re left looking like a jerk.
Eh, lost cause, he’s destined to repeat that forever! It’s like trying to teach an old, stubborn, adorable but nonetheless borderline retarded dog new tricks.
And the old guy wants to shake it like it’s the 60s all over again. Come on boys, bend over and let me see you shake your tail feather!
As Smithy and Max free the house of fun they continue to work out their clues… well, Smithy works, Max just pulls more sour faces. And Smithy reveals his knowledge of Sun Hill’s seedy nightlife – Tailfeathers is a club. Well well well, maybe the old guy hasn’t cracked it after all.
Tailfeathers is clearly one of Sun Hill’s classier nightspots as a Lap dancing place on Vincent St. The team hypothesize on the old guy’s claims it’s someone behind Audra, bringing them back once again to Hutton. Nate gives us details on the club: ‘Barmaids are a bit skinny.’ Really? That’s the best assessment he could get? Max doesn’t seem to mind skinny though…
Get your mind back on the job boy…
Nate determines the bar perfect ‘stag night’ material. Sam asks what needs to be asked and Nate returns the best response.
Sam: Sex?
Nate: Well, I didn’t know you cared ma’am.
Kezia tries not to laugh. Smithy hangs his head in shame. Sam looks bewildered.
Sam: You knew I meant the club didn’t you?
Smithy: Oh yes
It’s THESE one-liners that I miss from the new Bill… the days before it got all serious and blue. Yeah, you know what I mean. Alright, let’s continue.
As Kezia gets on to files, Max and Nate (now re-titled ‘Romeo’ by Sam) are given the job of going to Tailfeathers as punters. Great, let’s send Nate the little skirt puppy. Max shares my worries:
Max: PC Roberts in a club full of girls ma’am – do you think that’s wise?
Nate got greedy with the lines this week:
Nate: You know me ma’am – always the consummate professional
I’ll be nice and fight the urge to snort in disbelief as Sam waves them from the room because Jo has just appeared with details on the bar. Roger Hutton owns the bar and leases it out to Audra, using Doreen to front it. Well if Roger Hutton didn’t seem dodgy before…
Down at Tailfeathers Max is looking like all his Christmas’ came at once. He’s just spotted Hutton and he’s surrounded by dancing girls who all seem to have come straight from Eastern Europe too (sans the Visa or English father). Nate looks disgusted by the sight of men at a dance club at 12pm. Awww Nate… hands up if you wanna pinch his cheeks right now?
*raises hand*
You could totally take this boy home to mummy.
Meanwhile Max flashes Met cash and looks like he fits in perfectly. Because I love Max I’m going to call him a good actor and hope that he’s just a great bluff and doesn’t actually know ANYTHING about these places… how naïve of me.
Knowing the Met’s constant ‘strapped for cash’ moments, he’s probably only holding twenty pound there.
I wonder what twenty pounds can buy you around here?
Max laughs as Nate is led away, the poor little PC looking less like he’s about to get a lap dance and more like a lamb to the slaughter. Nate takes a seat in the private room, still looking positively terrified. And we find out what twenty bucks can get you:
Anya!
The girl from the Fuselade Bar is revealed to be a lap dancer at the Tailfeathers club. Now, with her Eastern European accent she was always going to wind up as either that, a drug runner or dead. And who knows? There may still be time for her to become one of the other two!
Anya is horrified by the sight of Nate and orders him to leave. Nate agrees, hurrying back to Max just in time for the freaky dominatrix lady who runs the place to get all ‘code four, zone one’ on their asses. Max and Nate are about to eat asphalt, nightclub heavies style. And look who walks amongst them – ‘Jacko’ Jackson. Jacko wants them out, Max obliges with a raft of names for the guv – Jacko, Anya and Roger Hutton all in one place at one time. It’s like a ‘Sins of the Father’ bad guy convention.
Kezia has come armed with CCTV footage from the Fuselade which shows Johnnie entering the Fuselade at around 3am, as expected. Then Marty and Hutton, pushing Johnnie outside, bundle the old guy into a car and Marty drives off. Nice – it was a team effort. Geez guys…
Sam: He’s 76
… really didn’t need two people to beat him up!
Max tells Heaton about his adventure to Tailfeathers. Max has placed his bets on illegal prostitute importation racket and that Roger and Jacko are involved. Kezia informs them Jacko is the owner of Tailfeathers and so the team now have their suspicions Johnnie is leading them to Jacko to try and get him out of the mess relatively unscathed. Yeah sure, cos bad things never happen to bad people in this show. Bad things happen to everyone in this show actually. There’s at least one death to come and my money is on the foreign girl – they’re such easy targets!
Down at the Fuselade Max and Smithy find Johnnie having a drink with Doreen. They want to know more about the ‘bar fight’ so Johnnie agrees to talk to them.
Meanwhile, at Tailfeathers, Jo and Terry have spotted Anya and Jacko arguing. Sam’s just had word back that she’s illegal (never would’ve guessed!) and tells them to pull her in. They chase the prostitute and the grandson.
Walking the streets, Max taunts Johnnie about Jacko owning Tailfeathers. Johnnie leads them to the graveyard where Ray and Mrs. Jackson are buried. As Smithy leaves Johnnie to have a moment with the graves, Max decides to be a jerk.
Max: Let’s get Nate down here to keep an eye on him, just in case he’s up to something.
Smithy: Have you got a heart?
Max: Nah
Didn’t think so…
Jo and Terry meanwhile are discussing job prospects for illegals. Down here the job prospects include Chinese restaurants and Korean restaurants while you guys have openings in prostitution and… prostitution. Hmmm…
Jo and Terry head in to what Jacko describes as a ‘cleaning job’ to find Anya minus shirt. How is she cleaning things then? With her breasts? They arrest her, and Jacko, and cart them back to Sun Hill for the best part of every episode – the foreign girl gets grilled. I especially love it if they cry!
In the interview Sam plays the mother hen, telling Anya she’s the victim of a crime and that the police will protect her. Immigration however…
Anya doesn’t want to but because ‘he’ will hurt her. Which one though? Audra brought her in, Hutton gives her a job (cleaning then pubbing then prostitution) but Jacko…
Anya: He different… my boyfriend.
See, with boyfriends like that it’s no wonder I’m single!
Sam and Max realise Anya is forced to sleep with Hutton. If she doesn’t… so I guess that answers my above question.
Back up in CID Smithy has some good news. The armed robbery Johnnie pulled before the one Ray was killed in wasn’t done by Johnnie – he was taking the wrap for a rookie… a rookie by the name of Roger Hutton. So why would Johnnie take the fall for that twat? We may find out soon enough as Kezia tells us Doreen has just picked up Johnnie from the graveyard and taken him back to the pub, where Roger’s waiting for them. Max decides to crash the party. He’s good at that it seems.
Down at the Fuselade Roger Hutton is being extra slimy and Max assures them he’s only there to make sure there isn’t a repeat performance of the last time Roger and Johnnie shared the same breathing space…
Roger gives a large part of the game away when he calls Doreen mum. Aww, he gave his mum a job at his pub. For most mothers that’s a wonderful gesture from their son but from Roger this all just seems tre creepy. And the family mess gets even more interesting when more is revealed of this strange little family tree – Roger is Johnnie’s son. A love (and I use love sparingly because clearly there’s no love in this little family nest) child of Doreen and Johnnie.
Max is shocked…
This is better than afternoon repeats of EastEnders! (BTW, BEST. CAP. EVER!)
As Roger saunters off with all the charm of a wet catfish, Max capitalises on the situation…
Max: He’s got your charm, hasn’t he?
It’d watch it Max… this bloke may be old but he could sure serve you up for brunch…
Have I mentioned that I love this old guy?
Back in the Sun Hill interview rooms it’s Jacko’s turn for a chat with Smithy and Max. Jacko’s your classic idiot, unaware his precious Uncle Roger is just using him and that good old granddad is his only true friend in the whole world. Awww, are we going to get a beautiful ending now where everyone tra-la-la’s off into the sunset, best friends again?
Not bloody likely, this is The Bill.
Because Jacko’s well on his way to going down for running a prostitution ring and Team Sexy Sergeants lay down the law and ask him whose side he’s on…
His grandfathers?
His uncles?
Or Anya’s?
Jacko: What’s it got to do with her?
Max: She can’t get out Jacko. Hutton won’t let her. He blackmails her and he does what he wants with her.
Jacko: Not Anya
Max: Ask her. Are you really that stupid?
Again… yes, I think he really is.
On the news of Anya and Smithy’s plea to help Anya get free, Jacko relents. All the dodgy stuff is at the club, which means we’re back to facing the angry dominatrix (who scares me, a lot) and Roger Hutton with his lawyer. Max bursts in like he owns the place.
Roger: You heard of knocking?
Max: Not in a knocking shop, no.
As they uncover the safe, Roger looks amused by the whole thing. He still thinks he’s untouchable. But as there’s only a few minutes left of Part 1, I’m inclined to believe he’s very wrong about that.
Meanwhile in the front office of Sun Hill Johnnie’s waiting for Jacko. Roger’s being charged but Johnnie knows he’ll survive because he’s hard like Johnnie, unlike the softies Ray and Jacko who took after… Johnnie struggles to remember his wife’s name and the constant lingering dementia storyline returns. You know it’s very hard to dislike the old guy in this state. I just want to hug him and tell him it’ll be okay then go make him some chicken soup. Course he’d probably go me with the cane, but I can’t help it, he’s so old and adorable.
Jack emerges from the back of the station and looks very happy to be greeted by his grandfather…
Jacko: What are you doing here?
Johnnie: You know, that is something your uncle Roger never understood neither. It is customary to be there when a member of the family is released from the nick.
This family is so old school.
Then, in the ending we all secretly wanted, Johnnie and Jacko skip off out of the station to live happily ever after. Beautiful…
Back in custody Roger is whinging and Sam’s having none of it. In her sweetest ‘I am going to nail you to the wall you dirty old prick’ tone, Sam takes a seat, to the shock of her new friends, and informs them both that as she’s pushing for no bail this may take some time, so get comfy Hutton – you’re going to be here a while.
Oh Sam, don’t ever change.
A little later, all the work done, the team gathers to hear the Super praise them all unconditionally. Sam even tells them Johnnie and Jacko managed to leave without screaming at each other. Wonderful. Good work all…
Too bad Nate’s here to rain on everyone’s self-appreciation party. There’s trouble at Johnnie’s.
Heaton and Sam don’t look too pleased by that news...
Terry however looks very happy.
A person who smiles when something goes wrong has just found someone to blame it on…
Smithy and Max arrive at Johnnie’s just in time to find… oh yeah, dead body. It’s Jacko.
And just when we were planning their first ‘we haven’t killed each other’ anniversary…
Next time on The Bill: Johnnie loses his mind. Doreen is extra secretive and who killed Jacko? And who let Eddie into this story? It was going so well until he arrived!
Sins of The Father Part 2 coming soon… so stay tuned to this spot!
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